Rich vs Wealthy: What Should Kids Really Know?

It was a regular weeknight at the dinner table—nothing special, just chicken, rice, and the tired chatter of 5 kids and 2 working parents when my five-year-old daughter looked up and asked, “Mom, are we rich?”

She wasn’t trying to be clever or compare us to anyone—she was just trying to make sense of the world. But her innocent question carried a weight I wasn’t expecting. I paused, caught between explaining what was true on paper and what I hoped she would carry in her heart.

I glanced at my husband. Spouses, you know this look. Then gently asked, “Well, what do you think it means to be rich?” Without hesitation: “It means you can do anything you want, whenever you want.”

My older daughter immediately chimed in: “That’s not rich. That’s wealthy. And we’re both.”

The table went quiet, not because the conversation ended, but because I realized it had only just begun.

Rich is what you see. wealth is what you feel.

The first time I felt rich, I was 18, holding a crumpled $100 bill. It smelled like a wallet and felt like freedom. That moment imprinted on me—but the feeling didn’t last.

Same with cereal. Growing up, brand-name anything was a luxury we didn’t buy. But one sleepover, I had my first bowl of real-deal Captain Crunch with Berries. That first bite was glorious—for about 90 seconds, until it turned soggy, just like the kind we had at home.

Even as a child, I noticed: a lot of what looks rich doesn’t last—and certainly doesn’t always mean more. That’s the first lesson in this journey: rich is visible. Wealth is lived.

Being rich is about what you can show—the external signals validated by likes, comments, and compliments. The vacation. The luxury car. The new tech and high-end sneakers. But rich is often circumstantial. It relies on markets, income, titles—all things that can shift or vanish.

Wealth doesn’t play the comparison game.

It’s internal. It’s a mindset. It’s knowing that even when the applause quiets, your value is anchored in who you are—not what’s around you. Wealth is built through discernment: realizing every yes is a no to something else, and every no is a yes to something better aligned.

In our home, discernment shows up in choices like:

Turning down a third extracurricular to protect family time

Letting our kids sit with delayed gratification—even when it’s inconvenient

Saying no to souvenirs in every city we visit—so we have margin to invest in experiences (Who really needs another magnet when you can kayak in the Norwegian fjords?)

What a quiet village taught us about wealth

While traveling abroad this summer, we noticed something striking. In a small rural village, most shops opened around 11 a.m. and closed by 4 p.m. No late hours. No constant hustle. Just a quiet rhythm that reflected something deeper.

Our kids were confused. “Why would they close before dinner?” one asked. “They could make so much more money with all these tourists,” another added. Then the youngest spoke up: “I think they want to go home and be with their families.”

That led to a beautiful conversation about values—about how in that town, work supported life, not the other way around. Enoughness was built into their schedule. Later that evening, one of my children said it best: “It feels like they work so they can have a full life—not a full schedule.”

That’s wealth. Not in what’s earned, but in what’s honored. Not in how late the lights stay on, but in how present people are when they’re together.

The messages they're already receiving

Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, coined the term money scripts, subconscious stories we carry about money, often passed down without intention. Whether the story is “We don’t talk about money” or “We’ll be fine, don’t worry about it,” silence is still a script. And in affluent homes, silence can be especially loud.

One family I worked with had all the visible signs of success: a second home, private school tuition paid, a thriving business. But their teenager shut down every time money came up. Not out of rebellion, out of confusion.

He’d never been part of the conversation, so he filled in the blanks on his own. And in that silence, entitlement started to take root. Then one night at dinner, he finally asked, “If money is so important, why don’t we ever talk about it?”

That question opened a door. What followed wasn’t a financial reset, it was a relational one. The parents realized they had two different internal narratives: one saw money as security, the other as a tool for growth. Neither was wrong but their silence had left room for misinterpretation.

They didn’t overhaul their lifestyle. They simply started sharing the “why” behind their decisions. Instead of asking, “Can we afford it?” they began asking, “Does this align with what we value?”

That shift, toward clarity and connection, made all the difference in rewriting a healthy money story.

We had our own wake-up call post-pandemic as we returned to the “new normal”. Our weeknights were filling up fast. One evening, we asked: “Does our weekly schedule and our budget continue reflect our values?” The silence spoke volumes.

We had values—but we hadn’t named them. And we definitely hadn’t mapped them to how we were spending our time, energy, or money. Mapping our values back into our calendar made me feel like I was winning again—even on the days I was dragging myself to the 5K I signed up for when I really wanted to sleep in.

As Bill Perkins writes in Die With Zero, “Money is a tool, not a trophy.” That distinction shifts how we teach kids about enough.

What wealth really looks like

Wealth isn’t about having it all—it’s about knowing what matters most and aligning your decisions accordingly. That clarity of purpose? It’s what kids remember. And it’s what lasts.

Morgan Housel writes in The Psychology of Money, “Doing well with money has little to do with intelligence and a lot to do with behavior.”

I’ve seen this firsthand. It’s not about spreadsheets. It’s about modeling calm, consistent choices grounded in core beliefs. Saying yes to what matters to you, not to anyone else. A budget is simply a plan—and you get to direct it with intention.

And as Jamie Kern Lima writes in Worthy, “Your self-worth is not equal to your net worth.”

I’d add: your legacy isn’t defined by what your kids inherit, but by what they carry forward.

Wealth isn’t a number—it’s a mindset

A posture. A pattern. A willingness to live aligned with your values, even when there’s no applause.

The rich mindset performs. The wealth mindset protects. One is concerned with how things look. The other is built to last.

It’s explaining to your teen why they’re opening a Roth IRA—not because it looks impressive now, but because you know what it will mean later.

It’s remembering that wealth is having options—and the wisdom not to exercise all of them.

Four ways to build real wealth at home

You don’t need a trust fund to build true wealth. These are shifts any family can start today:

1. Teach stewardship, not just spending

Every yes or no tells a story. When you make a financial decision, say it out loud.

“We’re waiting because we want to give more this quarter.”

2. Show trade-offs in real time

Let kids see what you’re prioritizing and why.

“We picked this trip because it lets us spend more time together—not because it’s the fanciest.”

3. Rotate the table talk role

Let each child lead a simple family budget conversation—not about totals, just choices.

“What would you prioritize with $100?”

4. Create a family constitution

Choose 3–5 core values as a family. Then check your calendar and bank statement: do they match? If not, adjust. Write down the actions that reflect what matters—not out of guilt, but out of clarity.

Why this matters for their future

As one mother shared, “I used to think my job was to give my kids everything I didn’t have.

Now I realize my job is to give them what they need: discipline, discernment, and room to grow.”

Being rich might help your kids live comfortably.

Being wealthy helps them live wisely.

Wealth isn’t just what you leave behind. It’s what you live, today, at the dinner table, in the checkout line, and in every in-between moment. Because teaching kids about wealth isn’t a one-time lesson, it’s a pattern we live, day by day, in the choices they see and the values we uphold.

What my five-year-old was really asking

She wasn’t asking about dollars. She was asking about direction. About security. About whether our life was as stable as it felt. And isn’t that what most kids want to know?

Are we okay?

Will I have what I need?

Are we the kind of people who use what we have wisely?

That’s the real work. Not just financial provision, but identity formation. So if she asks again, here’s what I hope I’m ready to say: “Yes, sweetheart. We are rich in many ways.

But more than that, I know we’re wealthy in love, in wisdom, in clarity. Because that’s what will guide you long after the money is spent.”

That’s what I want her to grow up knowing:

Being rich may give you options. Being wealthy gives you clarity.

Rich may impress. Wealth gives peace.

Rich can look great from the outside. Wealth feels great on the inside.

Because your child won’t just inherit your house. They’ll inherit your habits.

References:

Jamie Kern Lima, Worthy (2024)

Morgan Housel, The Psychology of Money (2020)

Dr. Brad Klontz, “Money Scripts,” Journal of Financial Therapy (2011)